Cleansing Everything in its Path
Tonight the roommate and I were flipping through the channels and we came across the Farrah Fawcett special on NBC, Farrah's Story.
My heart sank hearing her speak of the rain...
"I'm lying in bed, trying to sleep with an IV in my hand;
but its not drugs that full my body today, but despair.Outside my window it's pouring rain.
That big-drop rain that has always evoked all my senses since childhood.
How I love the thunderous roar that proceeds it, and that sweet scent it leaves behind.Somehow I take comfort in the fact that this purest of water is cleansing everything in its path.
So much like the chemicals that flow down the tube and into my veins."
And this was the part that just got right to the depths of my heart... even Farrah choked up...
"I was just thinking, how much I would miss the rain.
Sometimes I wonder whether I would be able to experience it from Heaven.
Maybe God lets you dip you wings down into the rain, if only for an instant... that would be nice."
Towards the end of the show, they filmed her son being allowed to leave jail for 3 hours to visit her... I nearly lost it watching him crawl into bed and lay there next to his mother. I think that is one of my biggest fears... not knowing how I'd handle my mother growing ill, let alone her passing. One of the few things I honestly miss about home... mom is there. Farrah Fawcett reminds me of my mom... she had the Farrah hair for sure... at least I think so. <3 U Mom!
Snow in Vegas (aka Hell)
This is the e-mail I received from my mom Thursday morning, the day after our big snow fall:
Vegas is Sin City...
Sinners are in Hell...
It's snowing in Vegas...
...therefore, Hell is freezing over.
Love,
Mom
Mom's got jokes!
Mom, meet Vegas… Vegas, meet Mom!
I don't think I've done that much here since I first visited!! I am EXHAUSTED! How can parents do that? They're the older ones! If anyone wants to know about anything below... let me know. This is all the stuff we crammed in this past week... I'm sure i forgot something lol. Most of the pictures from this week are here: Mom, Meet Vegas. I split out some of the sets like Red Rock and Hoover Dam; links below.
I'm glad mom came out though. I had a great time and it was good to spend 1-on-1 time with her again. 
Sunday:
Eiffel Tower Experience (Paris)
Terrace Point Cafe (Wynn)
Defending the Caveman (Golden Nugget)
Monday:
Shopping!
Marriage Can Be Murder (Canyon Club @ 4 Queens)
Fremont Street Experience
Spring Conservatory (Bellagio) [Pictures]
Bellagio Fountains
Tuesday:
Top of the World (Stratosphere)
Wednesday:
Rentail Pickup
Penn & Teller (Rio)
Thursday:
The Price is Right (Bally's)
Le Reve (Wynn)
Friday:
Hoover Dam [Pictures]
Olives (Bellagio)
Saturday:
Red Rock Canyon [Pictures]
My Mom is Awesome
I wake this morning to see a video forwarded to me by my mother which is titled "Best Casino Ad Ever". I had to post it and share. My mom gets kudos for this one. LOL!
You bought a flight to where?!
After waking me up by calling both the house line and my cell phone, I see that my mom had left me a voicemail (and later found two e-mails). I decided to start getting ready and after showering I checked my voicemail, where she told me to call her back ASAP. So I dial her cell and the conversation goes like this:
*Ring Ring* Mom picks up...
Mom: You're too late.
Me: Too late for what?
Mom: I already bought it.
Me: Bought what?
Mom: The ticket.
Me: The ticket for what?
Mom: A flight.
Me: A flight where?
Mom: There.
Me: There where?
Mom: To Vegas.
Me: Vegas? Where are you staying?
Mom: With you.
Me: With me?! For how long?
Mom: A Week.
Me: A week!?!?
After the shock of last minute notice, I figured that it'll be great to see mom. Definitely miss her and it'll be nice to spend some mother-son time on vacation. Already have a list of things to do while she's out here. Mom's never been to Vegas... can you believe it? I think a Chippendale's show is in order.
One Year and Counting…
Fair Warning: Haphazard Entry. Total disconnects of thought ahead.
It's been over a year (October 8th, 2006) since I came out to my mom during a night out at dinner. That moment was one of the hardest times of my life; but, it was also the most freeing. My mom and I still have a strong relationship and from that point, I resolved to better myself. To focus on me, my self; mind, body, and spirit. I've come a long way - but not far enough. I find myself doing the same things I committed to stopping.
I've started working on my body at the gym and seeing real progress; but this past week (two really) I've been slacking. Not all with excuses, but other things getting in the way - recently work. I need that 'kick-in-the-pants' to get back in the routine and I'm hoping tomorrow will bring that. Thankfully, I haven't slacked off with the Yoga. I'm still going strong with once, sometimes twice, a week. I'm hoping to learn enough so that I can do it at home anytime.
After getting back from LA though, I find myself circling back to constant thoughts of anxiety about what other people are thinking about me, and how they see me. Namely, guys I like but can't get the balls to say so for fear of rejection. I worry myself with over-analyzing actions, events, and happenings which I shouldn't even be noticing because more than likely (ok, more like most definitely) don't mean anything... but I give them meaning... and then worry over them. To bring it into perspective, I like a guy - but having him would require me to declare how I feel about him and I'm afraid that doing so might jeopardize our friendship in the event that he doesn't return those feelings.
In any case - this is exactly what I shouldn't be doing. I should be focusing on ME. Not boys. I resolved that when I moved, I would take hold of the fresh start life was giving me and learn from the lessons I painfully acquired back east. I'm getting better... just not sure how to keep getting better.
It's Only a Paper Moon
What a week!! Since it started, I've been going non-stop... the Energizer Bunny has nothin' on me. Monday morning Mom was in a car accident and taken to the ER. I got the call from Mark around 2.30p and went straight there. We spent all day there until they decided to move her to Shock Trauma up in Baltimore. Drove up there and waited until 11.30p just to be told that she was still getting more x-rays and CAT scans done... so we left for home to return the next day. I got home around 12.30a and fell right into bed. Tuesday, after work I drove up to Baltimore and visited for a little while. Wednesday I took a break and stayed home to catch up on sleep and errands. Thursday I went up after work and visited until they transferred her to the rehab facility. Friday and today I came up to the rehab center to visit and keep her company. Saturday I had to rest - between all that and going out Thursday and Friday (probably not the best idea - but whatever) it was nice to relax and just do nothing. Mom's coming along very well though. She had multiple fractures in her pelvic bone and a lacerated spleen. They fixed the spleen and all that's left is to wait for her bones to mend and heal. Her PT is going great too. I'm very happy that she's recovering fast. Leave it to Mom - she's determined to get back to what she was doing before the accident.
As much as I am tired from driving up to the hospital, up to Baltimore, back from Baltimore, dealing with the traffic, and my own stress - my mom is doing great with her own exhaustion and stress and pain. She is very determined and I shouldn't be complaining in any way... at least not when she can hear me. 
I felt horrible yesterday when I told her I was staying home that night. I kept thinking to myself that here she was, laid up in the hospital/rehab, and I couldn't take the time out to come see her. She said it was ok and I'm here today... but I just felt like I should have come up. :-\
In any case, I'm glad she is in good spirits and am very thankful that she wasn't hurt any worse. Thank you all whose sent prayers and thoughts.
Happy Birthday Mom!!!
I have a picture somewhere of when I was about 5 at the beach with my mom... one of those picture people took our picture and my mom has it in one of those keychains you hold up to the sun to see the picture inside the viewer. I would so post that on here if I wasn't too lazy to turn on my desktop and find it. Mom might not like that too much... hehe Love you mom! Happy Birthday!
Mixed feelings…
Wow... today was something... I'm not really sure of how to feel. I'm nervous about Sunday, yet I'm also excited because I get to cook for Zach. I'm still very worried about my financial situation, but I think it'll all work out. Heather lent me $50, out of her pocket, to get my checking account back into the positive after I asked her if I could get an advance on my paycheck. OUT OF HER POCKET! I couldn't believe it! I tried to refuse but she wouldn't let me leave until I accepted. I am so thankful to have a manager and a friend like her. AND on top of it, she gave me this AWESOME dinner to make for Zach and myself this Sunday. I cannot wait to do this.
What else.... hmm... oh, yea, mom decided to hold back on sending the loan papers for my courses until I pay her for car insurance. Of course I agree that I need to pay her, but I just don't have it right now. Last time she just put the shit on her credit card and I payed it every month and then when it was paid, I took responsibility for the finance charges which had accured on it. I just don't understand why she can't do that this time too. She knows I'm having a difficult time right now and it feels like she just wants to make it worse. Ugh!
Well, since I'm strapped for cash, I should get to bed so I can wake up and go in tomorrow morning and pick up a shift before my shift tomorrow night. G'night all...
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- Having a few drinks with the boys atop the Marriott. Seeing the fog roll in is quite a trip! #SanFrancisco 7 hrs ago
- First Class Biatch!!!!!! 23 hrs ago
- Up bright and early!!!! San Francisco better wake the fuck up and get ready... Vegas is coming to town!! 1 day ago
- More updates...
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