1) No - not me, Chris - another Chris
2) I wouldn’t believe the conversations Bill and I have unless they were recorded… this one was… LOL
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=303295332&blogID=372051205
That is all.
Yes my friends… that… is a bicep. There’s also some tricep showing and that forearm wasn’t there either. I’m still stalled a bit at 138 lbs, but I also dipped down to 134 a month or so ago and was able to regain those lost pounds. I’m inching towards 140 and I’m still reaching for that goal of 150. I’ve learned new crunch techniques for my abs, and learned how to use the BoSu for my chest (which also works the abs at the same time). The gym is my sanctuary and boys are staring a bit longer than they were before. :-P
Oh… and the ass is fillin’ out too. Who knew - skinny white boys can get an ass! Oh, and as for yoga… lets just say, my balance and focus is getting much better. 
I can now do Crow (pictured) without falling. Furthermore, I can push back/launch myself into Plank and move down into my Vinyasa after. The next step would be to go into a headstand from Crow, then come back down into Crow, and then push back into Plank. I’m getting so excited and confident with my Yoga practice. Each session brings me more positive energy and I leave each time renewed and ready for more. I can’t wait for more! Our instructor just returned from India as well, so I’m eager to tap his new found Yoga practices!!
No I haven’t died. No I haven’t given up on blogging. Just been… busy. :-\ I suppose. Was going through some stuff, of which I’m not completely over… mostly just a relapse into the abyss that is the depression I’ve been happily avoiding since moving to Las Vegas. Don’t get me wrong… many things have improved. And by ‘many’ I mean everything. But I still find myself sliding into old habits and ways of thinking. While it’s becoming much easier to focus on what I want, I find that the harder I focus, the more I see that can distract me. I suppose it makes sense in some way… I’m smarter and more aware now. Able to make better decisions as a person…. but it’s still tempting to fall into the old lazy ways. The ways that push me into that intermittent depression. Anyway… I have, however, finally updated my profiles on all those social networking sites. MySpace, Facebook, Friendster (does anyone still use this or is it all spam bots now?), Connexion. I think those are the only ones I updated. In any case, I thought it was time to change my crazy old profile in more ways that just the first line. I’m still searching for that strength… but the search doesn’t seem to be all that hard now. :)
After walking 7 blocks to the nearest Metro stop in the rain (man, I hate DC weather), I stand on the platform waiting 10 more minutes for the next green line train and think to myself: I am so glad I packed up and moved.. Don’t get me wrong… I love DC and of course I have friends and family here… but my life is 100 times better in Las Vegas than it ever was, and probably ever could be, here. The real friends I have here are few and far between. The rest are just ‘filler’. In Vegas, I have met and made more real friends in the 5 months that I have lived there, than the 24 years in DC. Maybe its the “newness” of everything… The opportunity to start over and take a fresh approach on life. After Friday night at Town, I realized that I didn’t really have much to miss. Boys who don’t really care about you… Friends who don’t invite you for brunch, or DH nights. I go out practically every night in Vegas. Whether it be to a friend’s house, the movies, restaurant, or to a club… I am always surrounded by genuine people. Some may not think so much about Vegas… But my friends, the people I care about, are real. We all have our pretencious moments, but the people I have gotten to know are quality people whom I am very thankful for. I know more than ever now that this move was the right thing to do.
Fair Warning: Haphazard Entry. Total disconnects of thought ahead.
It’s been over a year (October 8th, 2006) since I came out to my mom during a night out at dinner. That moment was one of the hardest times of my life; but, it was also the most freeing. My mom and I still have a strong relationship and from that point, I resolved to better myself. To focus on me, my self; mind, body, and spirit. I’ve come a long way - but not far enough. I find myself doing the same things I committed to stopping.
I’ve started working on my body at the gym and seeing real progress; but this past week (two really) I’ve been slacking. Not all with excuses, but other things getting in the way - recently work. I need that ‘kick-in-the-pants’ to get back in the routine and I’m hoping tomorrow will bring that. Thankfully, I haven’t slacked off with the Yoga. I’m still going strong with once, sometimes twice, a week. I’m hoping to learn enough so that I can do it at home anytime.
After getting back from LA though, I find myself circling back to constant thoughts of anxiety about what other people are thinking about me, and how they see me. Namely, guys I like but can’t get the balls to say so for fear of rejection. I worry myself with over-analyzing actions, events, and happenings which I shouldn’t even be noticing because more than likely (ok, more like most definitely) don’t mean anything… but I give them meaning… and then worry over them. To bring it into perspective, I like a guy - but having him would require me to declare how I feel about him and I’m afraid that doing so might jeopardize our friendship in the event that he doesn’t return those feelings.
In any case - this is exactly what I shouldn’t be doing. I should be focusing on ME. Not boys. I resolved that when I moved, I would take hold of the fresh start life was giving me and learn from the lessons I painfully acquired back east. I’m getting better… just not sure how to keep getting better.
