“Love quickens all senses but the common.”
-Shakespeare

I was checking my mail and browsing some MySpace profiles when I noticed my friend Joe in Vegas had posted a new blog. Everynow and then someone else writes something that you can’t stop nodding your head and smiling in agreement to, that you must pass it along. So I’m re-posting this on my blog as I doubt I could’ve written it better myself…

“Lately I’ve been playing Dear Abby for a number of friends- both gay and straight- who are experiencing relationship issues or going through break-ups. I’m not a shrink or relationship guru (have been single for while now), but I will always listen, ask questions, and make suggestions for friends- even in the middle of the night over a cheap bottle of wine. My longest relationship lasted 5 years, which taught me a lot and apparently qualifies me for the Guinness Book of Gay Records for a long-term, monogamous relationship in the early 20’s (well, at least I was faithful- that’s a whole other blog). Anyway, it appears that makes me “experienced” when it comes to relationships and I seem to be the one whom friends will call.

The amplified attention to relationships of late, through numerous conversations about love and life, has compelled me to write a blog about the roller-coaster ride we call dating. I’ve ridden the relationship roller-coaster through every loop, curve, and drop you can imagine, and I’ve watched from the side as friends go for the same hectic ride; but I am far from being an expert. Here’s my disclaimer: all of this is the “world according to Joe,” who is not a relationship counselor, shrink, therapist, or tight-rope walker. He is, however, a highly-acclaimed sex coach.

There is no one single formula for a successful relationship. Despite romantic ideals, love alone does not keep a relationship alive and healthy. For the most part, it requires a lot of effort, talking, learning and compromising. Let me mention TALKING again. Communication is key! It’s not just a matter of waiting for Mr. Right to come along; relationships take time and effort, and a commitment to make them work and last. At times, it can be very difficult, but in the end the rewards can be great.

Often, it can seem easier to move from one relationship to the next without questioning why the last one didn’t work for us. But in doing this, we are simply likely to fall into the same traps or repeat the same mistakes. The unfortunate by-product of this is that a series of ‘failed’ relationships without any self reflection can leave you feeling disillusioned with yourself.

One of the most common relationship issues I’ve observed lately is what I call the “Grass-is-greener syndrome.” When inflicted with this relationship virus, you begin to think there might be somebody out there who is ‘better’ for you and wonder if you should be playing the field instead. My argument is: for the most part, the grass is never greener and playing the field only makes you realize that what you have is worth hanging on to.

The reality is that there is always going to be somebody out there who is more attractive, has a better body, bigger cock, bigger bank account, etc… In order to be happy in a relationship, guys need to acknowledge that their boyfriend is not perfect- and neither are they themselves- and be willing to accept that. Does that mean you should “settle” for a guy that might not be all that you seek? Of course not! If there are certain things that you simply are not able to accept, be aware of those characteristics and avoid dating those guys altogether. In other words, LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP. For example, if you are stoutly opposed dating a guy who smokes, then DON’T. The worst thing you could do is start dating and then try to make him quit…. Don’t play that “if he really loves me he’ll quit” bullshit. Trying to change a man is as pointless as nailing jello to a tree; you’ll end up with a mess on your hands.

We all know what we will or will not tolerate from a significant other, whether it’s behavior, attitude, actions, etc… so no matter how hot he is, or how awesome the sex might be- MOVE ON if there are major issues. I can be tough (especially if there is mind-blowing sex), but in the end you have to love yourself more than anybody else. If there are small things the he does or behaviors that bother you- TALK about those issues with your guy. Perhaps there are things that annoy him as well? The only way to work through is to communicate.

Some guys find themselves in a relationship that is bad for them, without knowing how to change or end it. That is totally different than the grass-is-greener syndrome. Sometimes the love and other feelings you have for your boyfriend can cloud your judgment, or you might be financially dependent on him, so you put up with things you wouldn’t let other people get away with (like abuse). It can be scary to leave a partner, even if he treats you poorly, and many guyd feel trapped. If you find yourself feeling trapped in an unhealthy relationship and you want to change your situation, ask your friends for help. That’s what we are here for.

So that’s my relationship babble. For those of us who are single and waiting for the right guy to come along…. Just remember: somewhere, somebody is looking for exactly what you have to offer… so buckle your safety belt and ride the dating roller-coaster until you find him. OH, and if you have seen MY Mr. Right, please tell him to hurry up and get here.”