"Fake"

friend n.
1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.

So... the definition of a friend is someone whom is liked and trusted by someone else. Someone you know, whom you consider close to and aquainted with. Hmmm...

fake adj.
Having a false or misleading appearance; fraudulent. One that is not authentic or genuine; a sham.

I just get so frustrated with myself and the world, with everything really, at times. Today has been one of those days. I spent over 100 hours these past two weeks at work and I only had a few nights where I was actually able to relax or do something with a friend; yet, some 'friends' just don't act as if they're friends... ones that seemed so sincere. Yes, I admit it, I fuckin' admit it. I get attached. But what the fuck is so hard about picking up the damn phone and calling someone who you constantly say is your friend, yet never happen to contact until you need something?! Now, when I've needed things some of them have been there... but very few. Very very few of them have stepped up to actually back up their friendship.

Today's fortune cookie: "Wherever you go, there you are."

Jen (11:58:24 PM): I'm fat lol
Me(11:58:46 PM): oh please
Jen (11:58:53 PM): oh no no no
Jen (11:59:19 PM): this isn't some 90 lb white girl "I ate a salad with low fat dressing instead of fat free" fat
Jen (11:59:29 PM): I'm genuinely fat
Jen (11:59:54 PM): and it's gross, if I could hide in a cave and starve for 3 months I would
Jen (11:59:58 PM): and should
Jen (12:00:16 AM): but I cant because then I wouldnt have a job and I think cave are prolly uncomfortable
Jen (12:00:36 AM): what with all the rock everywhere
Me (12:03:32 AM): lolololololololol

It's the story of my life.

"It's the story of my life.

I'm just tired.
Tired of taking the time to wait around for the right person. Tired of showing interest only to have it blow up in my face. Tired of laying on charm so thick its disgusting, only to have someone not appreciate it. Tired of going out of my way, and getting nothing in return. Tired of doing, saying and thinking sweet things and not even being able to get a simple thank you. All this is rare that I do it, but I do.

I'm just tired.
Of a LOT of things. Tired of not being considered, promoted, good enough, noticed, remembered, taken seriously, and not being "the one".

You shouldn't have to ask or wonder why I am the way I am. I'm not perfect, but I am human. My feelings are constantly getting hurt. Crushed. No, destroyed. I know you have issues, too, but these are mine. It seems like they are all I have sometimes. I guess I'll be ok one of these days. Until then...I'll just be tired.

It's the story of my life."
-Jason Royce