Mommy’s doing a TV commercial!!!

I just want to scream at the world. I sometimes feel that no one can/will help me when I need it the most. I’m in the worst situation right now, financially, and I am doing all I can to help myself but it’s not enough. Commission is non-existent at work, and I’ve had to take on shifts at Friday’s up in Towson to help with the bills which are already overdue. I called Comcast tonight to have them shut off the cable, but even shutting OFF your service merits a fee of $13.95 for them to pick up the boxes. I’m already overdue about two months worth with them and it’s just getting worse. I cannot remember the last time I paid my student loan (which is in part off of my mother’s credit) and my medical bills from when I burned my hand and had to go to the hospital are about to go to collection. Rent is going to be in part late this month due to the lack of funds and I’m going to have to pay a 5% late fee on top of that. This is the worst that it’s ever been. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve asked practically everyone in my cell phonebook and on my buddy list and received almost the same response… “I would, but.” I swear if one more person says that I will scream! “I would, but” means “I would, but you’re not worth it,” in most cases. At least that’s how it makes me feel. I even was judged by someone else who gave me a whole load of “emotional advice” which was NOT helpful in a time of need like this; and on top of it, he told me that it was my fault! THANK YOU VERY MUCH CAPTAIN OBVIOUS! I’d think that I’d know this considering I’M the one living the consequences! Among other things he talked down to me, the same way he did when I turned down his offer to join a company widely known for it’s practices of a Pyramid Scheme.

I’m at my limits, credit and emotional. I feel like I’m backed into a corner and getting the wind knocked out of me every time I look at a bank statement. I got hit with another $160 of overdraft fees from my bank because I somehow overdrew my account again (previously had overdrafted and was assessed $360 of fees, $96 of which they waived because I practically cried)! All I know is that I hope that my car holds up driving to and from Towson… she is soooo ready to quit on me, I just know it. I just pray that the site (possibly two) I’ll be doing for Mike will get done quickly. That’s $650 right there; and with the $10/hour I’ll get from Friday’s I should be ok… but… rent is still going to be late. I guess it’s just another casualty I’ll have to endure.

Why is it that I can never cry when I want to? It always happens when you’re in a public place in front of the people who you wouldn’t want to be caught dead crying in view of.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Zach lately. Not quite sure why. :-\