Expectations of a Broken Heart

XXXXXXXXXXXX (9:51:13 PM): alright i have no clue in hell why im doing this, but i figured that its been a year since we last talked and i just thought that i would hit you up and see how you were doing. should you feel so inclined, hit me back... if not, its cool

I haven't decided whether or not to respond. :-\

"I Heart Music" >> Gizoogled

It makes mah heart bizzle strong, n can shorten mah breath . Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. I find rhythm witin tha beats, n begin follow'n each note ta tha nizzle. Anticipizzles in some cases, of whats ta come next; otha times, its pure relaxizzles n contentment . I thought i told ya, nigga I'm a soldier. It expresses so many emotions, feel'n, situations, n resolizzles . Chill as I take you on a trip. It gives comfort ta those who now find themselves doggy stylin' tha same predicizzles n need guidance . Boo-Yaa!. Music . One, two three and to tha four. It pulses though our souls n drives us. Mizzle find it hard ta resist tapp'n they feet, n gang bangin' ta tha beat. I love music. It helps me express so mizzay T-H-to-tha-izzat I could not in any poser F-to-tha-izzorm. Ive posted many lyrics over tha pizzy week or tizzy all of which have a very deep mean'n ta me . Nigga get shut up or get wet up. I find comfort in these songs n tha words conveyed. Sometizzles jiznust ta sit n listen ta tha harmony n melody of a song is all it takes ta calm me diznown fizzle a stressful day at work... otha times an upbeat remix of a popular song chea me up fizzy a depression fo my bling bling. While rapping ta someone ta hizzay you grieve is sometizzles B-to-tha-izzest, music can also serve as a sound'n board (unintentizzles pun). There is times when I cannot F-U-Double-Lizzy express mah pain until it is harmonized in S-to-tha-izzong. I am one who holds emotion inside... music is mah weakness. The powa of music is so bootylicious n I cannot imagine mah life witout it. I heart music.

Gizoogle for Yourself!

Be quiet, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip

I NEED THIS!

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
-Dr. Seuss

Mommy's doing a TV commercial!!!

I just want to scream at the world. I sometimes feel that no one can/will help me when I need it the most. I'm in the worst situation right now, financially, and I am doing all I can to help myself but it's not enough. Commission is non-existent at work, and I've had to take on shifts at Friday's up in Towson to help with the bills which are already overdue. I called Comcast tonight to have them shut off the cable, but even shutting OFF your service merits a fee of $13.95 for them to pick up the boxes. I'm already overdue about two months worth with them and it's just getting worse. I cannot remember the last time I paid my student loan (which is in part off of my mother's credit) and my medical bills from when I burned my hand and had to go to the hospital are about to go to collection. Rent is going to be in part late this month due to the lack of funds and I'm going to have to pay a 5% late fee on top of that. This is the worst that it's ever been. I don't know what to do anymore. I've asked practically everyone in my cell phonebook and on my buddy list and received almost the same response... "I would, but." I swear if one more person says that I will scream! "I would, but" means "I would, but you're not worth it," in most cases. At least that's how it makes me feel. I even was judged by someone else who gave me a whole load of "emotional advice" which was NOT helpful in a time of need like this; and on top of it, he told me that it was my fault! THANK YOU VERY MUCH CAPTAIN OBVIOUS! I'd think that I'd know this considering I'M the one living the consequences! Among other things he talked down to me, the same way he did when I turned down his offer to join a company widely known for it's practices of a Pyramid Scheme.

I'm at my limits, credit and emotional. I feel like I'm backed into a corner and getting the wind knocked out of me every time I look at a bank statement. I got hit with another $160 of overdraft fees from my bank because I somehow overdrew my account again (previously had overdrafted and was assessed $360 of fees, $96 of which they waived because I practically cried)! All I know is that I hope that my car holds up driving to and from Towson... she is soooo ready to quit on me, I just know it. I just pray that the site (possibly two) I'll be doing for Mike will get done quickly. That's $650 right there; and with the $10/hour I'll get from Friday's I should be ok... but... rent is still going to be late. I guess it's just another casualty I'll have to endure.

Why is it that I can never cry when I want to? It always happens when you're in a public place in front of the people who you wouldn't want to be caught dead crying in view of.

I've been thinking a lot about Zach lately. Not quite sure why. :-\

I Heart Music

It makes my heart beat strong, and can shorten my breath. I find rhythm within the beats, and begin following each note to the next. Anticipation, in some cases, of what's to come next; other times, it's pure relaxation and contentment. It expresses so many emotions, feelings, situations, and resolutions. It gives comfort to those who now find themselves living the same predicament and need guidance. Music. It pulses though our souls and drives us. Most find it hard to resist tapping their feet, and gyrating to the beat. I love music. It helps me express so much that I could not in any other form. I've posted many lyrics over the past week or two, all of which have a very deep meaning to me. I find comfort in these songs and the words conveyed. Sometimes, just to sit and listen to the harmony and melody of a song is all it takes to calm me down from a stressful day at work... other times an upbeat remix of a popular song cheers me up from a depression. While talking to someone to help you grieve is sometimes best, music can also serve as a sounding board (unintentional pun). There are times when I cannot fully express my pain until it is harmonized in song. I am one who holds emotion inside... music is my weakness. The power of music is so great and I cannot imagine my life without it. I heart music.

"I'm going to get stabbed by a Mexican in a Vegas nightclub!"

I ask you... who throws out your child's rubber ducky?! My mother! That's who! While at the mall today, we went into the Bath & Body Works store and they were selling rubber duckies of various colors and I picked one up. When my mother turned around and saw what I had, she blurted out, with no hesitation, "oh, I threw your's out the other day." I was like, "You did WHAT?!" Who does that?! A childhood toy which shared so many bathtimes... now resides next to old spaghetti sauce and junk mail. I couldn't believe it... so I made her buy me a new one. Had a pretty relaxing day today: woke up around 9a and had breakfast, checked my e-mail and got the paper. Decided to read the paper in bed and ended up falling asleep again and not waking up 'til around 1p. Mom called and I made plans to meet her at the mall around 3 (where I was devistated with the news of my beloved ducky). We had lunch and shopped a little. It was good to see her again, I hope to do it again soon!

Bud Light Presents

Real Men of Genius

Today, we salute you, Mr. Constant Collar Putter Upper. You, bedecked in popped collar, teach us that we no longer have to live with a cold back of the neck. Sure, your pink alligator polo may look feminine to some, but not to the 17 other frat guys wearing the same thing at the bar. Where others may see thoughtless fashion conformity, you preach a higher gospel. You preach of a world where it is okay for a man to go tanning. So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, Mr. Abercrombie because we all know, when we really need a piece of gum, you might have one... in your man purse.