“Fragola?! … sounds like some kind of mold!”

It’s official!!! I’m going to ITALY!!! Mom bought the ticket Thursday for me and I’ll be going the last week in January!!! I can’t wait for the trip, the sites, the shopping, and the food!!! OK, I’ll stop using the exclamation points. :) I may be going to Denver too after I get back from Italy. Travis wants me to come out there so I think I shall take a weekend and go… 21 years of seclusion and in two months I’ll be not only traveling off the east coast, but internationally too!!! (Sorry, couldn’t help using the exclamation)

The past few days I’ve been seeing quite a few blind people and I started to really think about what it would be like to be disabled (or enabled as some think of it). I was on the metro one time and I closed my eyes and didn’t open my eyes until I got to my stop. I was standing and found it a little disorienting. The blind man was standing as well but even with the sudden shifts which most people stumble and sometimes fall, he didn’t really have difficulty with. Even I was holding on to the pole and I had to catch myself. Thinking about how he must live his life lead me to think about how everyone else lives theirs’. How they deal with certain situations, handle themselves, what they think of how they look, act, think even. I wondered if they had the same self image issues that I do; same insecurities, same hangups, same hesitations. I think most people do, but only a select few actually let it interfere with their social life as I do. I’ve always thought about what others thought of me, what they didn’t think of me, what they would think of me if I did, or didn’t do something, or act some way. And as thinking tends to lead me to thinking to other things… I started thinking about the people I’ve been involved with and what they think of me… and even though I’ve used this quote before it fits perfectly:

“Why is it that we only tend to believe the negative things people say about us, no matter how much evidence there is to the contrary, a neighbor, a face, an ex-boyfriend can cancel out everything we thought once true. Odd, but when it comes to life and love, why do we believe out worst reviews?”
- Carrie Bradshaw

I tend to believe the things that I think people think about me. Even though I don’t know this for sure, I make assumptions as to why they wouldn’t want to be with me; and after all this has past, certain places and things remind me of the whole situation again. Speaking of which… another quote comes to mind (yes from Carrie too):

“After a breakup, certain streets, locations, even times of day are off limits. The city becomes a deserted battlefield loaded with emotional landmines. You have to be very careful where you step, or you could be blown to pieces.”
- Carrie Bradshaw

Even thoughts & jokes trigger these “flashbacks” and I find myself ruining my day or night by just thinking about it. We (Kevin, Chris, Cory, John, & Adam) we went to Apex Thursday night and I saw Sean with some boy which I assume is his new boyfriend and that just killed my night. Especially when I texted him, he asked who it was, and didn’t text me back after I told him who it was. *sigh* Anyway…

Work yesterday was kind of aggravating… this girl from another store stole 3 activations from me… :-\ I got one of the three because I e-mailed her manager and Mike (my manager). She was so rude to me too! I swear… although I was told she is an “activation hog” so I guess that’s where that comes from. I just hate it that after an hour and a half of working to get these BlackBerry’s activated for this customer, she just steps in and says “I’m taking care of it,” and practically hangs up on me! *sigh* At least I got the one I sold to him… he would have gotten the other two where ever he went.

Hmm… I need something to cheer this entry up… oh, I know!

Quote of the Day (courtesy of James):
She was so naked she was showin’ her public hairs!!!Everyone is going out tonight and I’m not sure if I really wanna go… Kevin, Chris, and Cory are going to Paradox in Baltimore and there is the White Party at Nation tonight which Billy sorta told me that I’m going to. haha… I want to go but I don’t like going alone. Billy & Jim rarely dance so I may go to Paradox with Kev, Cory, and Chris; but, I haven’t been to Nation in quite some time. Who knows… I may not go out at all.