Why is it that some people never learn from their mistakes? Or at least refine themselves to try not to make them again? I think I am one of those people. I seem to be walking right back into a situation which I know isn’t the best. Sometimes I feel that people are just using me to make themselves feel more comfortable; or to just please me for the moment. Other times I think that I may genuinely be liked by that person but it turns out that I “read” them wrong. I’ve pushed people away because I become so eager to please that I begin to obsess, if you will, to an acute degree; which, in turn, turns them off to me. Every now and then I’ll become involved with someone who is either too far, or will become too far, for things to continue beyond the initial infatuation. I am still longing for someone, for something, which is halfway across the globe and there is nothing I can do except cry myself to sleep thinking about him. I am unsure if I should wait for him to return, if he’ll return. Unsure of how to digest my feelings towards him and progress from day to day. Do I continue to let these feelings fester and continue to break away at my will to be with anyone else? Or should I just give up and move on? How can you move on from something which seems to be in your grasp but the only thing holding you back is time? If you wait, you can have it.

At least you hope that is the situation. There is another possibility of loosing that person; not only to a bomb, but to a shift in personality, likes, dislikes, attitude. He may come back and not care for the same things, or the same people anymore; or even worse, developed a liking for something else, someone else. Everyday I wake up thinking of one person whom I’m missing dearly and long for the day in which I will see his smile again; and the other is someone I think about as I go to bed, someone who I long to meet for the first time. Each have made me feel as though I am worth something to them; and that is the one feeling I’ve been missing. To be held and know the other person is holding you because they like you is a great feeling. It’s very rare.

It amazes me, though, how someone who is so far could be so kind and caring to send flowers to a person they barely know. Something so beautiful, sent from someone so beautiful, sent to someone they claim to be beautiful. Now that’s a lot of beautiful. There are people in this world who are given so much shit to bear and yet they deserve none of it. <side note: people need to learn the uses of punctuation, put a damn question mark after a question and a period if you use multiple sentences in one damn IM for God’s sake!> I am not speaking for myself, because I am sure there are things that I’ve done which deserve a good heap of manure to be dumped on my life; but there is one person whom I’ve felt as if I could bear their weight for them for one day, it would be just enough for them to breakaway from it all, or at least catch their breath. I know I would like to sometimes.

So I got flowers AGAIN! LOL! My friend who works down the block in Baltimore knew I was transferring and that Friday was my last day in the big B so she stopped by and dropped off flowers! Yellow Roses to be exact! I was so excited! It’s great to be loved. :-P

Even though I was given flowers twice in a row, you’d think that I had some good luck comin’ my way… well that stopped short yesterday afternoon when I happened to burn myself on the stove while cookin’ up some Ramen (which by the way is what keeps me alive during my poor times; at $0.10 a pack you can get a month’s supply for like $6!!! Anyway, they ended up being 2nd degree burns and I had nothing in the apartment to treat it with so I had to go to the store to get some spray, which only lasted about 5 seconds. I decided to go to the hospital seeing as how the pain wasn’t going away; so all the way up 95 I went, driving with one hand, and spraying my other hand intermittently. Lets just say, thank God there were no police around. AND I had to drive to Howard County General cuz I had no idea where the hospital was in Montgomery County; but I made it there just fine and after an hour and a half of waiting they finally put cream on it and it felt much better. Now four out of five fingers on my left hand are bandaged up and I feel like a gimp. You may be asking yourself how long it is taking me to type this entry… well my friend… not long at all, I seem to have picked up 6 finger typing quite quickly. :) Nothing short of amputation will stop me from typin’ :) And even then… I’ll use a pencil and my teeth… or rather, one of those voice dictator things. I wonder if they have gotten them up to par yet.

Anyway… I think I may have decided the date, well week rather. Last week in January. :) Jason said that’d be the best time to come over, lets just hope he doesn’t get called to Iraq before then. I can’t wait… and it looks like I’ll have to fly into London, and then to Rome!!! Italy, London, Rome!!! All in one trip!!! I can’t wait!

Monday is going to be great too! DC here I come!!! :)

So today was an ok day. This week has been so frustrating and stressful it was nice to have an easy day. Had one customer who was just outright rude, which wasn’t unexpected since she’s been like that to me before. Other than that I had a GREAT DAY seeing as how I got flowers about two hours before I was off. I couldn’t believe it. When I said that I’ve never received flowers before, I didn’t expect to have that change to quickly. They’re beautiful and they made my day. The rude bitch came in just after I received them but I didn’t even let her bother me. I had flowers and she didn’t. Maybe if I gave her one she wouldn’t have been so rude. *shrugs* Oh well… :) Thank you so much Travis! Now all you have to do is move to Maryland/DC. ;-)

Not much else is goin’ on really… besides the aggrivation of the merger and learning EVERYTHING all over again, it’s just been business as usual.

Just read a few things which started to put a damper on my day but I looked over and saw my flowers and my cares just disappeared. :) Time, though, for me to get ready for bed. G’night moon…

Well it’s official! As of October 26th, AT&T Wireless is no more. The former 3rd largest carrier was acquired by Cingular which is co-owned by SBC and BellSouth. Acquisitions and Mergers is what I’ve come to realize that this world of business is all about. Buy them before they buy you! Oh well, makes for an interesting job; which I’m still loving by the way. Speaking of which, my transfer to DC was approved! Starting on the 20th, I’ll be at the new Penn Ave store down on 17th in DC. I can’t wait! Hopefully I can make more money down there and have more opportunities to do what I do. Mike did ask when I had my interview with him for the transfer why I wasn’t a lead yet since I’ve had so much management experience; so maybe I’ll have room to move up in this store. :)

I’m still up in Baltimore until then so I’ll have to make this a great month for Mark. I feel bad leaving because I really like him as my manager. He’s, by far, the best manager I’ve ever had. Not only does he respect all of his team, but he challenges me with situations that need a computer application to do a task. I think I’ve learned so much about Excel solely to him asking me if it can be done. Makes me feel useful. :) I hope he’ll continue to look to me to help him out with that.

Jason called me yesterday from Italy. I was so excited when I saw the country code ‘39′ on my phone! To know that someone from overseas would take time to call you makes you feel really good inside, let alone someone you miss like crazy. 3 months down, 21 months left to go. :(