WOOHOO!!! 21 BABY!!!

Why do I care so fuckin’ much? I don’t understand it. Why can’t I just let things go, like water off a duck’s back? No, I have to get upset and still pursue the friendships with people who make me feel like shit; like I’m worthless. :-[ I’m tired of people using me just to fill their “friend quota.” I’m tired of being deceived and used to fill someone else’s needs. I have needs too. I like to be wanted too; receive those random phone calls and IM’s just to say hi. And I’m tired of having people tell me that they have no time to go out, yet their away messages say they are out with friends. Just tell me to fuck off for Christ’s sake, don’t lie to me. I mean come on, if a customer can tell me to “fuck off, bitch” for not being able to take his payment, you can too.

Talked to Jason the other day… found out that he may be going over to Iraq for 3 months in January to help train the Iraqi Police… :( I just pray nothing happens to him.

On a lighter note…
I think you can figure this one out:
http://www.dogtoyormaritalaid.com/

Last days with Jason I’d better start saving now for Italy. Jason left last Wednesday night about this time for Italy. That was the last time I saw him. Oh, it’s not that bad, only 103 weeks left until he comes back. :( I miss him so much; for once I found someone I click so well with, and before I get to fully embrace it, he’s taken away. In this case, ordered; but I must say, I was very glad that he called and asked to spend his last days here with me. Made me feel so wanted and valued. I’m tryin’ to think of it as an opportunity though… now I have a place to stay and someone to show me around when I go to Italy! :)

Tea with “T” I met someone from MySpace the other day named Tucker, a very interesting individual; but one of the most honest and up front people I’ve ever met. Very commendable.

Shopsin’s Grandiose Menu A restaurant in New York with plenty to offer… as well as some pretty strict rules: - No cell phone use - One meal per person minimum (everyone’s got to eat) - No smoking - Limit four people per group page 4 of the menu elaborates on it’s last rule in case you weren’t aware of what a party of five is:

Party of Five you could put a chair at the end or push the tables together but don’t bother This banged-up little restaurant where you would expect no rules at all has a firm policy against seating parties of five And you know you are a party of five It doesn’t matter if one of you offers to leave or if you say you could split into a party of three and a party of two or if the five of you come back tomorrow in Richard Nixon masks and try to pretend that you don’t know each other It won’t work: You’re a party of five even if you’re a beloved regular Even if the place is empty Even if you bring logic to bear Even if you’re a tackle for the Chicago Bears it won’t work You’re a party of five You will always be a party of five A hundred blocks from here a hundred years from now you will still be a party of five and you will never savor the soup or compare the coffee or hear the wisdom of the cook and the wit of the waitress or get to hum the old-time tunes among which you will find no quintets — Robert Hershon

They seem to have everything on this menu!!! I’m curious to visit :)

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD. When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowerst and saddest times in his life. Naturally troubled by this, he questioned the LORD. The LORD replied, “My precious, precious child, I love you and would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.

… I’m feeling at one of those low points…